to let go..

merelakan sesuatu.
it refers to many complicated things that you can't explain with common thoughts.
apalagi pada saat kita lagi sukaaaaaa banget.
weits...
suka banget sama apaan neeeh????

pada saat kita terlalu mendamba akan sesuatu, dan kita mendapatkan nya dengan mudah
mungkin ga bakalan terlalu sakit ya saat sesuatu itu ilang...atau lepas dari tangan kita.
tapi beda critanya kalo kita mendapatkannya dengan suatu usaha, suatu penantian,
suatu pengharapan... beuh dah males deh ngetik nya juga gue nih!!!

yah pokonya gitu deh...lu pada ngarti kan maksudnya???

dalam sebulan ini, ada hal-hal yang harus gue "lepas" dengan rela hati.
entah secara fisik atau psikis... tapi gue harus bisa. It's a must.
kalo ga gitu, gue ga akan bisa langkahin kaki gue lebih lebar...
kalo ga relain, hati gue yang bakal makin tersakiti...orang lain bakal tersakiti juga
iyalah gimana ga sakit, lha jelas keukeuh/ngeyel/ngotot sama maunya sendiri,
tanpa mempertimbangkan kondisi di sekeliling !!!!
egois itu namanya.

kadang ada moment dimana kita harus bener2 nahan diri ya...
nahan perasaan...
mau sakitnya seperti apapun... kalo emang bukan waktunya untuk kita,
kita ga bisa lho sok sok meng-claim yang emang bukan hak kita...

naaah.. pas kan kalo gue bilang.. learn to let go..


It Takes Love by STYX

sometimes it's hard to smile
keep looking back
searching for somebody
who once was in your life
baby let him go now
there'll be something better ahead

it takes love to make love
you can't hide behind your broken heart
it takes love to make love
let the light of another lover shine on you

we all have tears to cry
but there comes a day
to leave your tears behind you
and give your heart
someplace to start
and if you find your way there
there'll be someone waiting for you

it takes love to make love
you can't hide behind your broken heart
it takes love to make love
let the light of another lover shine on you

like a river
that flows
to the sea

don't wait
like a river
flowing down

whoa...hey...ooh...ah...ooh

it takes love to make love
you can't hide behind your broken heart
it takes love to make love
let the light of another lover shine on you
it takes love to make love
never mind the broken heart baby
it takes love to make love
let the light of another lover shine on you

sedih sebenernya...
bukan hal mudah lho "to let go" untuk sebagian orang...
tapi back to the thing, bukan saatnya meng-claim yang bukan untuk kita.
mending sakit hati sekarang,
dari pada menjalani nya denga keesakitan yang terus menerus
mending hentikan sekarang,
daripada terikat oleh kepedihan tanpa ujung...
halah..melow.

Biar Jadi Kenangan...

kemaren sore...
acara musik di TV tiba-tiba nayangin satu lagu lama, taun 2000an lah...
dan lagu itu liriknya daleeeeeeemm banget !!! buat gue.

nih... baca deh.

Biar Jadi Kenangan by Reza and Masaki Ueda

Tetes airmata ku tak tertahan lagi
Menanti kepastian tentang kita
Kau masih juga bersamanya
Masih mencintainya

Maafkanlah sayangku atas keadaan
Kamu tak pernah jadi kekasihku
Wajahnya selalu terbayang
Saat kau di sisiku

Aku dan kamu takkan tahu
Mengapa kita tak berpisah
Walau kita takkan pernah satu
Biarlah aku menyimpan bayang mu
Dan biarkanlah semua menjadi kenangan
Yang terlukis di dalam hatiku
Meskipun perih namun tetap selalu ada
Di sini

Ku beri segalanya semampunya aku
Meski cinta harus terbagi dua
Mungkin kamu tak pernah tahu
Betapa sakitnya aku

Oh pasti kamu tak pernah tahu
Betapa sakitnya aku

mendadak gue jadi pengen buka-buka buku sakti jaman gue kuliah.
dan gue buka juga tuh buku sakti jaman SMA... ( yang ada tulisan temen-temen juga)

alhasil gue ngakak sendiri bacanya...
wakakakakakaka.... dasar ABG !!!! gue ngebathin dalam hati.
nampak jelas lah dalam tulisan tulisan itu...siapa naksir siapa...
siapa blingsatan karena siapa...
siapa bete sama siapa...
siapa patah hati sama siapa...
dan...siapa jadiansama siapa...

lagaknya...
pada saat kita jatuh hati pada seseorang...
cuma dia yang ada di hati kita..
dan yakin seratus persen dia yang terbaik buat kita !!
yakin seyakin yakinnya...dia lah...the love of my life...
(sampe-sampe, masih tertempel aja tuh kelopak bunga mawar pemberian dari siapapun...!!)

eh padahal, pada sat orang itu bikin kita kecewa...
dan kita try hard to move on...
open our heart to let go...
baru deh kita ngeh " dia ga se-baik itu kok untuk kita"

malah pada saat kita ketemu orang lain lagi...
kita ngalamin perasan blingsatan yang sama juga kayak ke orang terdahulu...
hehehehhe padahal sebelumnya...
dalam kondisi melow...
kita sok yakin "gabakalan deh punya perasaan sedalem itu lagi sama orang laen..."
klise ya?

sekarang pertanyaan gue...
perlu ga sih kita "ngorek-ngorek" recycle bin dan mendapati kembali
mantan kita di masa lalu...
masih dengan ke melow-an yang sama...
dan beryakin-yakin bahwa dia lah the right one buat kita?

kalo gue sih...
recycle bin ga usah di korek-korek dah...
karena terkadang kita tanpa sadar sudah menutup mata dengan
hadirnya seseorang yang lebih tepat di hadapan kita...
jangan liat ke spion mulu doooooong...
realita kan ada di depan...!!!!!
jangan sampe ya ada slogan begini di atas jidat lu
you dont know what you got till its gone

menurut lu gimana?

for the heartache from a friend

tuuuhhh
ada yang care juga sama kamu...
ga cuma aku kaaannnn....

baca yah...


buat temennya maya..lagu ini juga bisa...cocok banget degh buat berpikir positif...lagunya India Arie
"This Too Shall Pass"

I achieved so much in life
But I’m an amateur in love
My bank account is doing just fine
But my emotions are bankrupt

My body is nice and strong
But my heart is in a million pieces
When the sun is shining so am I
But when the night falls so does my tears

Sometimes the beatings so loud in my heart
That I can barely tell our voices apart
Sometimes the fear is so loud in my head
That I can barely hear what God says

Then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angel’s whisper that this too shall pass
My ancestors whisper that this day one day will be the past
So I walk in faith that this too shall pass

The one that loved me the most
Turned around and hurt me the worse
I’m doing my best to move on
But the pain just keeps singing me songs

My head and my heart are at war
Cause love ain't happening the way I wanted
Feel like I’m about to break down
Can’t hear the light at the end of the tunnel

So I pray for healing in my heart
To be put back together what is torn apart
And I pray for quiet in my head
That I can hear clearly what God says

Then I hear the whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the Angels whisper that this too shall pass
My ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
So I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of sudden I realize
That it only hurts worse to fight it
So I embrace my shadow
And hold on to the morning light

This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
I hear the angels whisper
that trouble don't have to last always
I hear the angels whisper
Even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday.
I hear my angels whisper.
I hear my angels whisper.
This too shall pass.

thanks imong...
aku yakin dia pasti sukaaaaaa...
seperti gue juga suka dengan liriknya

heartache

him .: kalau aku boleh memilih...
tak sudi aku jatuh cinta...
apalagi yang sedalam ini...
karena ternyata cinta itu sengsara, derita dan air mata

it really hurt my feeling to read that word
came from a dear someone...
the one that I really really care

gue dah bilang supaya jangan terlalu berharap pada cinta...
karena cinta bisa melayangkan mu ke angkasa pun menghujam mu ke dasar bumi
sekali saja hatimu retak oleh nya...
tak ada satu pun perekat yang bisa menyatukannya dengan sempurna...

sebenernya gue sebel...
nih orang ngeyel siy...dah gue ingetin supaya hati-hati
eh masih aja nekat dengan bermacam alesan..
tapi apa bisa ya kita "melarang" orang yang lagi kasmaran?
emang bisa ya saat kita lagi jatuh cinta kita melihat segala kekurangan pada dirinya???
jujur sih, kalo lagi madly deeply in love pun gue menjadi orang yang bebal...
yang rasa sesal datangnya bagai hujan samurai dalam hati... euleuh euleuh...!!!

tapiiiii..
seperti tadi gue bilang...
cinta itu bisa bikin kita jadi orang yang sangat sangat sangat bebal...
critanya si pecinta ini...minta saran nih ma kita,
dah dikasih solusi saran panjang lebar ke timur ke barat...
eeehhh teuteup...baliknya ke "maunya" dia...

dan itulaaaahhh... efek lain dari jatuh cinta...
yang tentunya di luar rasa rasa eforia yang sudah umum yaahh..
you ngerti kan yang I maksuuudddd...?!!

memaksakan cinta yang eforia itu utk hidup selamanya di hati kita...
tanpa kita sadar kapasitas hati blum memadai
maksud memadai adalah:
1. adakah ruang yang cukup untuk rasa cemburu seperlunya
2. adakah kesabaran yang extra untuk memahami bahwa dia bersikap ga sesuai kebiasaan kita
3. senyum rela saat menyadari bahwa mantannya punya nilai-nilai positif juga seperti kita
4. siap-siap belajar merangkak saat kita terpaksa terjatuh dari langit-langit eforia cinta
5. belajar dari lagu-lagu cinta tuh bahwa ga semua kisah cinta ever lasting !!!
6. dan pastinyakalo berani jatuh cinta...berarti berani patah hati !!!!! no excuse.
7. jangan ragu pilih teman yang TEPAT untuk dengerin curhat lu, you need that badly.

mmmhhh...enam point itu dulu deh...
apakah lu brani jatuh cinta??
banyak lagi sih kalo mau dijembrengin satu satu....
ga cukup satu postingan inih

dear friend...
kepada siapapun lu jatuh cinta..
dan bagaimanapun rasa itu telah menenggelamkanmu dalam kesakitan
tolong yah catet pake tinta emas...
gue tetep sayang sama lu
dan gue ga akan bilang... " tuuuuuhh kaaaannn, gue bilang juga apaaaa....!!!!!"
gue tau kok, bete banget kalo dikatain gitu...
rasanya dah sakit karena cinta..
eh makin sakit karena temen yang bermulut durjana.
sekali lagi gue bilang... gue gakan ngomong gitu
ingetin yah kalo gue lupa...
supaya mulut ini juga belajar memahami hati yang terluka.... halah.

I love you still.

Bizarre Love Triangle by Frente

Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It’s no problem of mine but it’s a problem I find
Living a life that I can’t leave behind
There’s no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won’t set you free
But that’s the way that it goes
And it’s what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I’m waiting for that final moment
You’ll say the words that I can’t say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don’t know what to say
Why can’t we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I’m not sure what this could mean
I don’t think you’re what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then we’d never see just what we’re meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I’m waiting for that final moment
You’ll say the words that I can’t say

be strong ya ...
I'm here for you kok..
always...

kok flashback mulu???

iiiiiikkhhhh...
sebenernya sih ga ada maksud lho untuk flesbek mulu...
ini mah cuma mau crita aja..sekalian nostalgia gitcuuuu...
hehehehhehe...
barusan sore, chatting with my old friend, bes pren i hope, if she don't mind...
bahwa... indahnya masa SMA or masa kuliah ga harus ditandai dengan berapa kali lu pacaran..berapa banyak pacar lu saat itu
berapa banyak gebetan...dan mantan lu..!!!
dan ga usah lah di itung-itung berapa banyak pacar ga resmi saat itu....
bwahahahahahah.... ada ya pacar ga resmi???
dulu sih blum ada istilah TTM, cuma adanya HTS (hubungan tanpa status)...

trus apakah kalo lu kagak pernah pacaran trus lu dianggap freak gitu??
nerd gitu??? abnormal kah.. ???
i think don't so ... (*kalo kata firman kinoy...)

yes, lebih tepatnya I don't think so...
happy or not, you are the one who's responsible to create it...
then you have a right to explore that happiness with many ways you like most

does your friend has a right to judge you in which way you have to be happy or unhappy??
just give their f***in mouth shut !!

apakh lu harus jadi cantik dulu untuk bisa disukai banyak orang
dan punya banyak teman ???
apakah dandanan lu harus branded dari ujung rambut sampe ujung kaki supaya mereka mau jadi temen lu?
mmmhhh... jadi inget sepatu Bata gue yah...yang gue tempelin logo merk Benetton...
hanya untuk bikin cewek-cwek matre itu ngelirik sepatu gue... wakakakakkakakaka
lora en isur pasti masih inget ...kikikikikkikikik...

well dear...
life is beautiful it depends dari sisi mana lu mau liatnya...

kalo gue... gue bersyukur karena pernah melewati hari-hari itu sama kalian
isur lora imong cai linda ...
kenapa cuma 5 nama ini?
karena kalian duduknya deket gue laaaahhhh waktu SMA.... gimana sih ?!

...let's sing it babes....!!!

Too Good To Be True by Lauryn Hill

You're just too good to be true
can't take my eyes off of you
you'd be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
at long last love has arrived
and I thank God I'm alive
you're just too good to be true
can't take my eyes off of you

Pardon  the way that I stare
there's nothing else to compare
the sight of you leaves me weak
there are no words left to speak
but if you feel like I feel
please let me know that it's real
you're just too good to be true
can't take my eyes off of you

chorus:
I need you baby and if it's quite alright
I need you baby to warm the lonely nights
I love you baby, trust in me when I say:ok(its okaay)
Oh pretty baby, don't let me down, I pray
oh pretty baby, now that I've found you, stay
and let me love you,  o baby, let me love you, o baby

You're just too good to be true
can't take my eyes off of you
you'd be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
at long last love has arrived
and I thank God I'm alive
you're just too good to be true
can't take my eyes off of you

ayooooo nyanyikan dengan lantaaannngg...!!!!

masa SMA ... halah halah..

karena kecanggihan fesbuk...
(*even gue dah mulai bete ma fesbuk sebenernya)...
gue ketemu lagi sama isur ma lovely gal, linda sukandar, vimal anthony, erik sorensen, ricky perdana, glenn sorensen...mmmhhh siapa lagi yah???
beuh bejibun deh pokonyah.

dan satu halyang gue rindu saat mengingat oang-orang itu adalah...masa-masa SMA !!!!!
hahahahahahha...siapa sih yang mampu menepis indahnya masa-masa di SMA?!!
cihuuuyyyy....

duuuhhh ga nahan deh, rok abu-abu diliet pinggangnya kalo mau gaya...
tapi kalo ada razia bisa secepat kilat diturunin sampe nutupin dengkul...
masih jaman kemeja gombrang...dan gue doyan banget tuh ngancingin kemejanya sampe atas, biar nampak alim lah dikit..ga di cela mulu ma yang laen...
eh sekali waktu apes dah, kena razia...suruh buka jaitan rok yang kependekan..hahahahahha

ada lagunya nih...mau tau ga???
kalo ini lagu nostalgia nya si isur petet...lagu ini tuh original jaman SMA
biat petet tapi dia cantik...


Wonderful by Adam Ant

Did I tell you how much I miss
Your sweet kiss?
Did I tell you I didn't cry?
Well I lied I lie lie lied
Over real over
When I nearly hit the face I loved
So tired of packaging the anger
Always pushing you away

Did I tell you you're wonderful?
I miss you yes I do
Did I tell you that I was wrong?
I was wrong
Cos you're wonderful yeah

Did I tell you how much I miss
Your smile?
Did I tell you I was okay?
Well no way
No way way way
Over real over
When I nearly hit the faceI loved
So tired of packaging the anger
Always pushing you away

Did I tell you you're wonderful?
I miss you yes I do
Did I tell you that I was wrong?
I was wrong
Cos you're wonderful yeah yeah
You're wonderful yeah yeah

Now now now each and every day
I realize the price I have to pay
You you're wonderful
And now for your information
I'm walking around like an arm decoration

You you're wonderful
So high I can't get over it
So deep I can't get under it
You
You're wonderful yeah
You're wonderful yeah yeah
You're wonderful yeah yeah
You're wonderful yeah yeah
Wonderful

Did I tell you you're wonderful?
I miss you yes I do
Did I tell you that I was wrong?
I was wrong
For so long long long

Did I tell you you're wonderful?
I miss you yes I do
Did I tell you that I was wrong?
I was wrong
For so long long long

Did I tell you you're wonderful?

ah..ah ..ahh...
ga ada duanya lah lagu ini...
walopun saat itu entah utk siapa gue dan isur nyanyiin lagu ini...
lupa lah jelas, secaraaaaa... banyak aja gitu yang mampir depan mata tiap hari...!!!!

secret

ada lagu ini kemaren...
gue dengernya sampe merinding lagi
gilaaaaa... ini lagu jaman2 nya gue kuliah taun 2000an
jaman kelakuan gue satu pun ga ada yang terpuji deh... hehhehehehe

ga tau yah, kok bisa gitu
ada lagu-lagu yang pada saat kita dengerin,
tanpa sengaja ngebawa kita flashback ke suatu kejadian
atau jadi inget sama seseorang yang dulu pernah ada di deket kita
entah pada saat itu kejadian mengecewakan atau menyenangkan
tapi kekuatan sebuah lagu itu bisa ngebawa kita
dan memaksa kita untuk melihat kembali...

contohnya lagu ini....

How Can I Not Love You by Joy enriquez

Can not touch
Can not hold
Can not be together
Can not love
Can not kiss
Can not have each other
Must be strong, and we must let go
Can not say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

Can not dream
Can not share
Sweet and tender moments
Can not feel
How we feel
Must pretend it's over
Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say, what we’ve known all along
Must be brave, and we must be strong
Can not say, what we’ve known all along

lagu ini jadi favorit gue banget waktu itu
saat gue lagi menikmati being a rebbel
saat gue gak mau dengerin saran orang laen
saat gue keukeuh yakin sama apa yang gue pilih
even gue tauuuu banget itu suatu kesalahan
berbohong jadi salah satu cara supaya gue tidak kehilangan apapun.

pura-pura membenci dan pura-pura menyukai
gila juga yah kalo dipikir-pikir...
tapi kalo ga ngalamin itu semua
gak akan ada gue yang hari ini...

I'm alive

Imong said:

are u a good girl?
as u said yourself...you are good now...
so I believe that..

there are always people who come and go...
perhaps some from your past, just flashing through your eyes,
but please do not disregard for all those people
who was and still are there for you, in all of these years...
beside you all through your bitter and sad moments...

mau nangis rasanya baca kalimat-kalimat itu
apalagi saat menyadari bahwa masih banyak orang yang sayang ma gue ternyata
tapi gue sering tutup mata, ga mau liat
tutup telinga karena ga mau denger
tutup hati karena ga mau percaya.

I'm thinking of all the struggles I've been through
with anger and tears,
fears and sorrows...
for all of those things has made me lost my self.
trying hard to hide behind a smile
I'm learning many things that I have learned.

Love Will Keep Us Alive by Eagles

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive

Don't you worry
Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I've found you
There's no more emptiness inside
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive
I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do
I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive

I need a little tenderness...

Cinzano

someday I shall rise and seek you again
My eager feet shall find you again
although the years,
and the mark of pain have changed you wholly...
how could I forget having loved you so?
the face that was all my sun rising
so then I hold you fiercely by either hand
and my heart is sick with memories...

just a poem..
for you.

I do not love you !!! no !! I do not love you

And yet when you are not here, I am sad.

and envy the bright blue sky above you

those quiet stars may see you and be glad.

I do not love you !! yet, I do not know why

Even you seems so fine , to me

And often in my solitude I sigh

That I never feel like this as I do to you

broken

hampir seminggu lebih gue ga nulis blog..
mendadak ilfil aja gitu...!!!
salah satunya karena sumber inspirasi gue tiba-tiba bikin hati gue merasa ditinggalkan... which is sebenernya mungkin gue nya aja yang ke ge-er an ya???
ya sudahlah... toh no one is completely on our side, right??!!

tapi anehnya...
angels in heaven sangat ngerti betapa gundah gulana nya hati gue...
eh kok ya..ada aja ya si Cupid bodoh itu kirim orang laen untuk jadi inspirasi gue !!!
heheheh...tak diduga tak disangka...

mijn lieve Cinzano...
entah darimana munculnya... ada kesamaan dalam tagline hidup bahwa Love itu takes time.
... dan dia juga setuju bahwa soulmate itu bisa siapa saja ...ga harus pasangan hidup.
banyak sih yang dibahas... ada yang penting dan ga penting juga
yang jelas kita dah lama banget ga ketemu... mungkin dari taun '94 ya??
kayak apa dia sekarang... gue gatau.
tapi senyumnya masih ..exactly, the same.

dia punya lagu ini... buat gue mungkin?!
hehehehhehe... gatau lah...
tapi gue seneng aja kalo lagi chat ma dia...brasa nyambung...
ato gue sambung-sambungin ya?
yang jelas... lagu ini gue suka banget.


Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what your worth"

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

salah orang...atau salah moment ??

katanya sih...cinta itu ga pernah salah.
cinta juga ga pernah bohong...
weks...
bokis ah.

yang gue tau sih...
hati yang tidak pernah bisa berbohong.
mau otak lu nolak dia mentah-mentah...
hapus no hp nya dari phonebook...
hapus YM nya, FB, FS, apapun lah yang bisa lu hapus...
teteup aja
tongkrongannya masih dengan tegak dan jelas ada di hati lu
bagai seonggok batu besar di tengah kali... halah.

gue pernah tuh begitu... persis setaun kemaren.
sampe-sampe irma, temen gue, bilang berulang kali...
"move on may, move on... !!!!"

gileeee...setaun bo!!! setaun gue bergelut dengan perasaan itu
perasaan tanpa awal dan akhir!!!!
kayak orang bodoh yang berusaha mengejar ekor pelangi.
nyesel nya emang belakangan kan??!!
orang yang tepat... datang untuk moment yang salah...
atau malah sebenernya dia
orang yang salah di moment yang tepat ???!!!
hhhmmmmm....

awalnya gue pikir dia orang yang tepat...
tapi setelah satu taun ini lewat... dia adalah the biggest mistake in my life.
makanya sekarang...
pasti bisa bener-bener lupain dia kok
dan gue juga belajar untuk maafin dia
walopun agak susah sih...


Luka Lama by Cokelat

[intro] G

G
Ku rentangkan hati
Em
Ku balut luka lama saat kau pergi
G
Ku tegarkan diri
Em
Walau bayangmu hadir di setiap mimpi

Am F
Oh haruskah kubenamkan diri meratapi
Am
tenggelam sesali yang terjadi
C
tersiksa bersama hampa asa

[reff]
G Em Am
kini ku hanya ingin lupakan semua
D Bm Em
mengenangmu menyesakkan jiwa
Am
kan ku hapus air mata

hingga ku dapat sembuhkan luka

G
ku coba hadapi
Em
walau pahit terasa di relung hati
G
harus ku lewati
Em
seakan semua tiada pernah terjadi

Am F
Oh haruskah kubenamkan diri meratapi
Am
tenggelam sesali yang terjadi
C
tersiksa bersama hampa asa


[reff]
G Em Am
kini ku hanya ingin lupakan semua
D Bm Em
mengenangmu menyesakkan jiwa
Am
kan ku hapus air mata
C G
hingga ku dapat sembuhkan luka
Em Am
semoga kelak lupakan semua
D Bm Em
mengenangmu menyesakkan jiwa
Am
kan ku hapus air mata
C
hingga ku dapat sembuhkan luka

G
Ku rentangkan hati
G
Ku balut luka lama saat kau pergi
G
Ku tegarkan diri
G
Walau bayangmu hadir di setiap mimpi

irma...
am I a good girl now ?
by escaping and forgetting ?!
it was too painfull to live with those fake attentions from him.

but..
i am good now...

back to summer '97

kira-kira 12 taun yang lalu...
gue juga masih ABG berat...
masih cupu, baru ajaaaaaa lulus SMA...
gue liat klip lagu ini di TV, mmh emang bukan TV nasional sih...
well anyway,
gue liat klip lagu ini.

lagunya keren... indah...
dan gue ga ngerti arti liriknya !!!! hahahahahahha....
tapi saat itu naluri melow gue kan dah nyala tuh...
jadi gue nangkep lah sedikit banyak maksud lagu ini.

tema : standar lah, tentang percintaan dan perpisahan.
yang nyanyi : penyanyi terkenal di Belanda saat itu, Marco Borsato

gue sampe bela-belain nyari ke toko musik hari itu juga...
mana pake acara nyasar, salah naek bis, kagak bisa ngomong bahasa orang sana...
terpaksa dengan bahasa inggris blepotan dah...

nah dapet juga akhirnya...
CD single nya lagu Wereld Zonder Jou.
karena saat itu gue lagi cinlok sama seseorang...
dengan blo'on nya gue mengenang-ngenang dia gitu kalo lagi dengerin lagu nya...
hahahahha...biasalah ABG, walopun masih kebawa-bawa juga tuh sampe sekarang!!!


Wereld Zonder Jou by Marco Borsato en Trijntje Oosterhuis

Marco:
Ik heb een masker opgezet
En als mijn vrienden erom vragen
Zeg ik dat het heerlijk is
Alleen je foto's zijn al van de wand
Alsof ik ze vergeten kan dat ik je mis
Hoe koud 't is hoe leeg
Zo zonder jou hier om me heen
Ik kan je niet laten gaan
Al zeg ik dat het beter is
Alleen en zonder jou
Ik kan 't gewoon niet aan
Ik mis je armen om me heen
Nee, ik leef niet in een wereld zonder jou

Trijntje:
Ik heb bijna alles geprobeerd
Alles om je te vergeten
Ik lieg als ze me vragen hoe het gaat
Ik lees wat boeken, kijk tv
Maar daar verandert ook niets mee
Ik voel nog steeds verlang nog steeds
Ik denk nog steeds en steeds alleen aan jou

Samen:
Ik kan je niet laten gaan
Al zeg ik dat 't beter is
Alleen en zonder jou
Ik kan 't gewoon niet aan
Ik mis je armen om me heen
Nee, ik leef niet in een wereld zonder jou

De tijd staat stil
De tijd die alle wonden heelt
Ze loopt niet zonder jou
Ik kan je niet laten gaan
Al schreeuw ik dat het beter is
Alleen en zonder jou
Ik kan je niet laten gaan
Al zeg ik dat 't beter is
Alleen en zonder jou
Ik kan 't gewoon niet aan
Ik mis je armen om me heen
Nee, ik leef niet in een wereld zonder jou

taun 2000, kebodohan lain yang gue lakukan:
pas ketemuan ma tuh cinlok lagi di Bandung, kebetulan dia lagi maen ke rumah,
eehhh gue kasihin dah tuh CD !!!!!
begooo...begoooo....!!
gara-garanya, gue ga enak gitu euy...
dia dateng dari singapore, langsung ke bandung ke rumah gue
bawain gue oleh-oleh tali jam Swatch scuba yang warnanya biru-ijo turkish gitu deh.
ikh..bego bener gue.

udah gitu...tuh orang lenyap aja di telan bumi..kagak ada kabar lagi.
jam nya pun porak poranda...body nya pecah gara-gara
gue pecicilan di kampus...
depan KOPMA lah, biasaaaaa.... tongkrongan tetap selain di kelas...plus
kelakuan-kelakuan ajaib yang amoral.

I want my CD...
I want my Swatch ...
aaarrrrrggghhhh......!!!!!!
damn it !!

my make up...

kemaren siang, Linda temen kerja gue bilang...
" maya itu sebenernya pinter...tapi males."
kok tau ya dia..??!!
maya ituuuu... "lu tuh ga punya ambisi ato gak mau punya ambisi sih?"
hhahahahah malah balik nanya dia!!!
" maya ituuu..fragile... tapi try hard to cover it.."
"... lu juga orangnya friendly, gampang cari temen...
tapi kelakuan nya juga kadang bikin orang jadi gampang sebel..!!!" wahahahahhahaha....

mmmhh...maya itu fragile.
rapuh kan ya maksudnya??
ga sekuat yang nampak dari luar.

pengen rasanya
dengan senyum...
dengan sentuhan sayang...
dengan rangkulan di pundak...
dengan genggaman di tangan yang gugup...
dengan kata-kata manis yang menyemangati...
gue belajar untuk ga jadi rapuh lagi.


The Tracks of My Tears by Go West

People say I'm the life of the party
'cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..
I need you, need you
Since you left me if you see me with another girl
Seeming like I'm having fun
Although she may be cute
She's just a substitute
Because you're the permanent one..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..
I need you, need you

Outside I'm masquerading
Inside my hope is fading
Just a clown oo yeah
Since you put me down
My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you..

So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears


tuuuuhh kaaaannn....
kalo diliatnya bener-bener pake hati...
bekas-bekas aer mata masih ada disitu.

tapi kan ga perlu lah membiarkan semua orang meneliti
wajah keren kita se detail itu...
bener kan?!

my smile is my make up.

beyond your smile

grup band STYX pernah bilang gini ma gue,

"it takes love to make love
you can't hide behind your broken heart
it takes love to make love
let the light of another lover shine on you.."

setelah denger mereka bilang gitu, gue jadi yakin kalo gue harus belajar senyum lagi..
jadi segala kerapuhan ituuuu cukup dalam hati aja.
siapa juga kan, yang mau menyangga hati kita yang rapuh kalo bukan diri kita sendiri?

even harus nyebrang lautan, nyebrangin langit...
untuk nyariin or nemuin orang yang bisa bikin kita senyum lagi,
tapi tetep aja... no one is completely on your side..!!!! catet itu.
karena gimanapun juga, selalu ada gap diantara kita dengan siapapun

great expectation syndrome...
semakin kita terlalu ngarepin seseorang...
semakin kita terlalu ngarepin sesuatu untuk terjadi...
careful dear... you may get hurt.

Anything For You by Gloria Estefan

Anything for you
Though you're not here
Since you said we're through
It seems like years
Time keeps draggin on and on
And forever's been and gone
Still I can't figure what went wrong

And I'd do anything for you
I'll play your game
You've hurt me through and through
But you can have your way
I can pretend each time I see you
That I don't care and I don't need you
And though you'll never see me cryin'
You know inside I feel like dying

I'd still do anything for you
In spite of it all
I've learned so much from you
You made me strong
Don't you ever think that I don't love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don't work out right
And you just have to say goodbye
I hope you find somone to please you
Somone who'll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to

And I'd do anything for you
I'll give you up
If that's what I should do
To make you happy
I can pretend each time I see you
That I don't care and I don't need you
And though inside I feel like dying
You know you'll never see me crying

Don't you ever think that I don't love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don't work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

Don't wanna say goodbye..

Don't you ever think that I don't love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don't work out right
And you just have to say goodbye
I hope you find somone to please you
Somone who'll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to

I will do anything for you

...walopun dia ga pernah ada di samping kita
ga brarti kita ga boleh ngarepin.
hanya aja...
jangan sampe harapan itu melebihi kekuatan hati kita.

... but no happy ending !!

back to real life...
back to the real world...
back to the ground.

segala keindahan di depan mata ga bakal bisa ilang dan di hapus gitu aja..
apalagi kalo dah merasuk hati.
dan ga gampang ...membawa setiap keindahan itu masuk ke dalam hati

terlebih lagi...
saat kita juga sadar bahwa semua itu cuma hadir dalam angan-angan aja
ga bisa jadi kenyataan...
seandainya memaksa agar semua itu bisa jadi nyata...
ada yang harus rela dikorbankan.

tiap senyumnya...
tiap kata-kata manis yang dia ucapkan...
bisa ngobatin segala rasa kecewa dan cape kita hari itu...
walopun cuma lewat sms... lewat suara di telfon... chatting berjam-jam...
duuuhh...rasanya ga ada habis-habisnya kita kangenin dia
tapi tetep aja...
ga bisa ngilangin satu rasa kecewa...kita ga bisa saling ketemu
walopun sekedar hanya untuk minta satu pelukan sayang.

All The Love In The World
R.J. Lange, Andrea Corr

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friend, I'm more than O.K.
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say
Still I believe - I'm missing - I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me

- Don't wanna wake - Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it
I have no hestitaion
My imagination just stole me away
- Still - Still I believe
- I'm missing - I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me

- Don't wanna wake - Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world

Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me

- Don't wanna wake - And i won't wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
- Don't wanna wake up alone anymore -

I still remember this, still fresh in my memory...

flash back...
ada yang layak untuk dikenang...
ada juga yang layak masuk trash bin... alias ga penting.

tapi beberapa minggu ini banyak sekali old memories back to my mind..in a rush malah!!!
dan bikin perasaan gue happy.
yup, bener banget...happy yang luar biasa indahnya.

wuuuuiiiiihh..dah lama banget gue ga merasa begini!!!
feels like a thousand years live in a box.
malah ada yang bilang gini:

him .: ini lagu yg kita denger di kamar aku
.: i still remember that
.: fresh in my memory
.: sorry
MaYa: serius?
MaYa: salah ah...bukan sama aku kali
.: hihihih
.: waktu itu rame2
.: ada yosi, age dll
.: km datang sama age
.: kamu emang pernah denger lagu itu sama sapa?
MaYa: ga pernah sama siapa2...karena rata2 temen2 aku gada yang tau lagu itu
.: kalo gak salah age sering ledekin aku pake lagu itu
.: ngeledek waktu tau kmu suka sama aku
MaYa: wah serius??
.: yup
.: kalo gak salah

hahahahahahhaa.....
what a sweet thing to remember !!!
percaya ga sih bahwa hal-hal beginian, yang awalnya cuma lewat sebentar di saat itu
justru bisa jadi penghiburan yang bisa membawa semangat hidup yang udah mati
jadi nyala lagi bertahun-tahun kemudian...

kalo buat gue sih...
mengingatkan gue bahwa dulu gue pernah mengalami hal-hal yang menyenangkan...
yang ga semua orang pernah ngalamin...
dan ga semua orang mampu tersenyum saat mengingat hal itu lagi...

Only Reminds Me of You by St. Paul

I see you, beside me
It's only a dream
A vision of what used to be
The laughter, the sorrow
Pictures in time
Fading to memories

How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

Chorus:
I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When i turn out all the lights
Even the night
It only reminds me of you

I needed my freedom
That's what I've thought
But I was a fool to believe
My heart lied while you cried
Rivers of tears
But I was too blind to see

Everything we've been through before
Now it means so much more

I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When I turn out all the light
Even the night
It only reminds me of you

Only you…

So come back to me
I'm down on my knees
Boy can't you see…

How could I ever let you go
Is it too late to let you know

I tried to run from your side
But each place I hide
It only reminds me of you
When I turn out all the lights
Even the night
It only reminds me of you

You, You,
It only reminds me of you


makasih ya...
karena udah bawa lagu itu dalam memory hidup gue
mungkin saat itu,
lagu ini ga bermakna sama sekali
tapi sekarang ....

lo tau kok jawabannya.

turn back the time

kemaren adalah hari ulang taun gue...
and after several hours chatting with someone...then i realize that
udah lama banget gue melupakan perasaan itu.

feelings that could melt your soul
kind of feelings yang sering bikin gue blingsatan salting ga jelas
bikin gue senyam senyum sendiri kayak orang ga waras
dan tiap lagu yang gue denger bisa menampilkan wajahnya di pelupuk mata ini...halah..
dan tentunya...
kind of feelings yang selalu bikin gue patah hati juga!!

tapi kok gue ga kapok ya?
seolah lupa bahwa gue pernah melewati rasa-rasa seperti ini???

kembali membiarkan pikiran dan hati ga kompak...
kembali membiarkan debar-debar itu menguasai seluruh panca indera
dan...membiarkan diri terlepas ke dalam lingkaran tanpa ujung...

Hold On My Heart by Phil Collins

Hold on my heart
just hold on to that feeling
we both know we've been here before
we both know what can happen

Hold on my heart
cos I'm looking over you shoulder
please don't rush in this time
don't show her how you feel

Hold on my heart
throw me a lifeline
I'll keep a place for you
somewhere deep inside

Hold on my heart
please tell her to be patient
cos there has never been a time
that I wanted something more

If I can recall this feeling
and I know there's a chance
oh I will be there
yes I will be there
be there for you
whenever you want me to
whenever you call I will be there
Yes I will be there

Hold on my heart
don't let her see you crying
no matter where I go
she'll always be with me

Hold on my heart
just hold on to that feeling
we both know we've been here before
we both know what can happen
So hold on my heart

gue dah terlanjur...
membiarkan hati gue lepas kendali lagi...
gue dah terlanjur membiarkan pikiran gue membawa lu lagi
masuk ke dalam hati...

tanpa gue sempat inget
hati gue ini udah ga utuh lagi
sejak terakhir lu pergi dari situ dan ngebiarin hati gue retak...tak terpulihkan.

a song for you

I heard a song in my soul
my heart chose him.

then we met, and yet we do not meet.
what love is this?
what dream is this?
what flood of feeling is this?
days have changed, and nights too
what time has done to me?
change my very being...

Lost in Space by Lighthouse Family

Sometimes I get tired of this me-first attitude
You are the one thing that keeps me smiling
That's why I'm always wishing hard for you
'Cause your light shines so bright
I don't feel no solitude
You are my first star at night
I'd be lost in space without you
And I'll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do
Feels just so fine
When we touch the sky me and you
This is my idyll of heaven
Why can't it always be so good?
But it's all right, I know you're out there
Doing what you've gotta do
You are my soul satellite
I'd be lost in space without you
And I'll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do
And I'll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do
And I'll never lose my faith in you
And I'll never lose my faith in you

you have won me...
melting like two melodies
not slow , not fast.

Apart

my beloved...
you are abide in my heart
I have seen divine light comes from you

I wonder to my self, do you belong to me?

you are near yet so far
I can not endure this yearning
we walk side by side but distance separated us
like two shores of ocean that never meet
a wall of glass keep us apart


(You'll always be) My heart and soul by Stephen Bishop

The years they come and go
And change will come I know
You won’t be there
My heart and soul
Different time and place
The time did not erase
The smile that lights your face
As you gaze in mine
It will always shine
And you
Will always be
An angel making sure I can
A memory that’s always there
Your dreams won’t die if they live inside of me
You’ll always be my heart and soul

The years go long and on
I looked and you were gone
I miss you so
My heart and soul
The years can make you wise
I finally realize
That if I just close my eyes
I can see all there (??)
From the love we share
And you will always be
A dream so real it cannot die
A trust in faith that lets me fly
A thought so strong it just belongs to me
You’ll always be my heart and soul

An angel making sure I can
A memory that’s always there
You’ll always be my heart and sou l

what is this story that life is told me??